At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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