Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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