well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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