Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
