how can u be prego again
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
