he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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