how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
