I bet he comes in French.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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