He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
