You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
