I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
