1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
