did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
