How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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