Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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