I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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