I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
