The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
