How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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