A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
