I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
These tits shall not be calmed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
