apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
