Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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