apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
