Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
