dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
