dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my being single is dangerous.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
