guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
