Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
