if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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