The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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