i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
