you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
