No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
