She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
