I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
