I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
