please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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