I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
