Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
