i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
