The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
