i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
