he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
