im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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