i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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