brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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