Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
