just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
