is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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